I hope I can find a book about this one! I’d love to read it more, but for now, what I have is just a link to an online Love Language test if you’re quite curious about what your love language is.
But first of all, what is a love language? You must’ve heard about this before. Love languages are the ways a person wants to receive or experience love. According to Dr. Chapman, everyone of us has some preferences on how they want to be loved. Say, your partner loves you so much, but since he or she doesn’t express it in the way that you like, maybe love wouldn’t be felt as much. No matter how many gifts he has given you as a sign of his love, if you only want to spend time with him, then gifts may not matter.
I’ve taken the online test where you can see your primary love language, secondary and the rest from 1 to five and here are my results:
1. Acts of Service – I guess this would be my primary language. I love it so much when my boyfriend takes the trash out for me, or when he cleans my pair of white Keds shoes, or when he buys something from the convenience store just for me. I know my boyfriend is not really my housemaid or anything, but it feels like he treats me as queen when I sit and relax while he does something for me. Because I feel tired after an exhausting day, and he understands what I feel, so he wants me to take a break.
2. Physical Touch – Just like Olaf, I’m a person who likes hugs, whether warm or cold. I’d even hug a stranger just as a greeting! This behavior started when I was in high school (and yep, some people complained about it). Not all people would want to have their personal space invaded, but if you find another person like me in the future, well, forgive us, it must just be their love language.
You know, people would might want to give love the way they do because it’s the way they want to receive love. You ever heard of “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you?” Well, nah. Just because I like hugs and pats on the backs doesn’t mean I should express love just the same. Other people might not appreciate it, so try to know what your partner’s love language is.
3. Words of Affirmation – I like to be complimented from time to time, of course. But it’s not only compliments or simple “I love yous” that count. I like it when my boyfriend talks about what he likes about me, what he liked that I did, and when I’m really sad and negative, I love the way he encourages me through words. Sometimes, he just talks about his dreams in our future, and what he wants to do, his plans, and that I’ll always be in the picture, whatever his plans are. I like listening to him whenever he makes a speech about how much he loves me. Sounds cheesy, but this is something that would really make your heart melt (if this is indeed your primary love language).
4. Receiving Gifts – It doesn’t have to be expensive. It doesn’t have to be gold and jewelries, but things that when you receive, you’ll be like “Aww, he’s really thinking about me.” Once, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to get anything from the convenient store downstairs and I said I didn’t want anything (because I wasn’t hungry at the time). He then returned with a bottle of pink Lemonade Stellina, my favorite drink of all time and this could be something that I’ve never expected. Best gifts to receive are things that you never expect, and that you really need at the time (wasn’t hungry but a little bit thirsty at the time) and most of all, something that your partner knows you really like. That just meant he remembered that one day when I told him, “You know, love? This Pink Lemonade by Stellina is really awesome!” Makes you really think, Oh, he was really listening at that time.
5. Quality Time – This one is the last on my list, and yep, I suck at giving quality time. It’s because even though I also need quality time, it’s something that I don’t need to have everyday. I’m good when my boyfriend and I are just watching Netflix, just chilling, spending time together, but no. That’s your quality time with Netflix. Quality time is focusing all you have and spending all your time with your babe. What’s worse is that this is my boyfriend’s primary second language. He absolutely hates it when we’re having this moment, talking to each other, and I’d get distracted because someone sent me a text message. Afterwards, he’d just sulk, and when he sulks, it’s quite a bit hard to get him out of it. If only I knew back then about his primary language, then we could’ve spent our precious time doing meaningful things than arguing.
Still, don’t forget to include all the five love languages in your relationship, but what this is all about is focusing on the primary and secondary love languages, because those are the ones that your partner really want to feel the most.
Try to think what your partner and your love language really is, and it might save another night from an argument. May you couples out there find what you really need in the relationship.
Spread love! ❤